The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
