Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
