pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
