Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
