We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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