i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
