Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
