I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
