Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Can you bring me the toilet please
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