So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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