Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
