By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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