Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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