after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Come see our sink grown plant.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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