I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
