I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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