scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
