it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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