I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
