my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
