she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
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