thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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