I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my sisters under your porch take her home
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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