just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
