My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
