What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
last night I used snow as a chaser
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
