I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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