I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
