Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
