i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I intend to get homeless drunk
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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