i may or may not be watching the land before time
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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