please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
