dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
