whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I don't deserve a penis
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
