I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
