my sisters under your porch take her home
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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