I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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