I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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