You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
