It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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