So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
