last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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