i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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