New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
