k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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