Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
