I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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