Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
