my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
