Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
