I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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