I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
