Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
